Birthday
by Bonnie Sveen Fan
Summary: Ricky celebrates baby Casey's 1st birthday, but feels sad that Brax isn't there to celebrate with her.


**Another little one - shot I thought of while lying in the sun. Shouldn't really be posting while I was in turkey, but I started it as I knew I would forget about it if I didn't post it. I also have another one which I'm in the middle of writing but I might wait till I'm home to post that. I got home early hours of Tuesday morning.**

 **Spelling and grammar mistakes are mine, there possibly will be as I'm on my phone.**

 **Catching up with Home & Away as I write this, feeling really sorry for Brax and Ricky. But Casey is so cute.**

* * *

Birthday

Ricky stepped back as she surveyed the living room. A banner hung across the mirror reading "Happy 1st Birthday, Casey." A small pile of presents were on the rug. Denny had offered to take him for the day while she got sorted.

Suddenly, her thoughts turned to Brax. Casey's dad. Her partner. The moment she'd heard from Kat that Brax was dead, she knew life was never going to be the same again. For, one crazy moment, she'd considered taking a few pills to join him. But Kyle had found her and rushed her to hospital where Nate had treated her, and when she'd woken she'd had a long talk with a counciler who had listened to her as she sobbed about how life was unfair that she'd now have to bring their baby up alone. In, a way, she hated Brax for putting her through this, but she knew that she had to be the strong one and that was hard when she had no one else to off load on to. She sighed.

She walked up the stairs in her new house (She'd sold Brax's studio flat as it held too many memories for her and, she reasoned, as Casey grew he would need room to play in.)

She walked in to her bedroom and opened her wardrobe, trying to decide what to wear. She noticed one of Brax's shorts and took it off it's hanger as she breathed in his famliar smell; aftershave and sweat. It felt like his arms were around her as they should have been. She picked up a maxi dress and pulled it over her head and plaited her hair to keep it off her face.

Coming back down, she headed to the door and pulled it open. Denny was standing in front of her with Casey holding her hand.

"Dadda" Casey communicated, his big brown looking in to his mum's.

Ricky looked at him with tears welling in her eyes. One, it was his first word, she should feel proud. And two, it was "daddy " He'd never know him. She picked him up and kissed the top of his head.

How did she explain that daddy was dead? She looked at Denny who shrugged sympathically, she knew what a tough time Ricky had been going through without Brax by her side.

Walking out in to Garden, her camera around her neck, she spotted Heath, who'd come back from the city with Bianca, at the BBQ.

Bianca smiled at her. "Are you ok?" She asked, as she sat in a chair.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she answered, honestly. "I don't know" She could feel a sob coming on as she realised that she was surrounded by friends, but she wasn't truly happy.

Bianca spoke again, and Ricky realised that she needed to hear the words.

"You don't have to pretend with me" She told her.

Ricky nodded as she pulled her son on to her lap; she wanted to feel close to him as she knew she'd never have it with her partner again.

But it was nice to know that she had friends and family around her and Casey, but her and Brax should have been celebrating Casey's 1st birthday together.

"Grubs up" Heath called and Ricky stood, walking over to where Casey's high chair was and she placed him in his high chair and put some food on a plate after cutting it up. She ran a hand over his head. She switched on the camera and took a few pictures of Casey.

But, what she didn't know, was that, Brax was watching the two of them in the bushes. A lone tear slid down his cheek as he watched from the distance, his girl bringing up their son alone.

"Happy Birthday mate " He whispered to himself as he got back in to the car. He felt beyond bad he couldn't go over there and hold Casey in his arms and greet Ricky with a kiss, but he knew if he did, his cover would be blown and then he'd be re- arrested, which would mean an even longer sentence for him. And he didn't think he would cope. He was barley coping as it was.

Hearing a laugh, which he knew, belonged to Ricky, Brax swallowed the lump he could feel raising in his throat and with one, last look he turned back to his car and pulled open the door and started the engine, he was driving away from his son, girlfriend and his brother, back in to a life of looking over his shoulder and worrying about weather or not he'll be caught, it's why he was better off "dead" to his family.

But seeing the hurt in Ricky's eyes, the sparkle had gone out of them and the worry sketched on to her face, killed him, he caused this, he caused his girl to worry, and he would carry the guilt around with him until the day he actually died. As far, as he was concerned, he was already dead, but it was better than going back to jail.

Following his escape, he'd stayed in a dingy hotel room, as news channels reported his escape. He shuddered at the memory.

" _A prisoner, Darryl Braxton, escaped from prison today, following a transfer to another prison. The prison van was hijacked, allowing Darryl to escape. Two officers were called as back - up but by the time, they arrived at the scene, the prisoner had already gone. Alerts were put out but nobody has seen him since. Anyone, with any information, please call 015143668901. "_

Brax sighed. Out of all the secrets, he'd kept this had definitely been the hardest one.

He turned his attention back to the house as he seen Ricky come out, carrying a cake and people started to sing.

"Happy birthday, to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, dear Casey, happy birthday, to you"

Placing, the cake in front of her son, she knew he was too young to understand what was happening, so Heath and Kyle blew the candle out.

Ricky laughed. They were like big kids.

Picking up a knife, Ricky cut in to the cake, and offered the plastic plates around.

As Denny, left, after offering to stay behind, to help Ricky clean up, Ricky stared at the wriggling child and lifted him out of the chair.

Heath kissed her cheek and offered Bianca a hand to get up. She swayed drunkenly in her husbands arms.

"Oops" she giggled.

Heath wrapped an arm around her waist and then Ricky was left alone. She sat on the steps, hearing Bianca and Heath. She knew she needed to get a bin bag and started to clear up.

* * *

Heath unlocked the front door and Bianca walked through the door. Heath sat in the living room, on the couch and

Back at the house, Ricky carried Casey up the stairs and lay him down gently in his cot. The child cried. She took his hand.

"Come on mate" She whispered. She was tired and she was resting her head in her hands at the side of the bar.

Casey cried some more. She ran a hand through her hair as she sighed, she thought she could do this and all Casey was doing was, crying around her. She took him out of the cot and walked around the room, trying to calm the crying child down, but as if, Casey sensed his mums unease, he continued to cry.

But, she couldn't be weak, and ask Kyle for help, she had to do this on her own. This was her life now. It was what she did. She was a Mum and a Mum was there for her child, they didn't let them down but the sad thing was Ricky knew, that she was feeling as a mother. She looked at the picture of her and Brax which was on the side and she picked it up as she stared in to her partners face. She furiously brushed away a tear as she put the picture down and stood up from the bed.

Walking down the stairs, she headed in to the kitchen and opened the fridge, seeing a bottle of unopened wine. She reached for it, putting it down on the counter. She reached for a glass from the draining board and unscrewed the lid, watching as the red wine filled the glass.

Picking it up, she tilted the glass to her lips and she put it down, it felt rough on her tongue and she realised she needed to move on, not keep drinking every night.

Hearing, her phone vibrate, she wondered over to the table and picked it up. It was Nate. She put in her password to unlock the phone and type a reply.

 **"Are you ok?"**

Abandoned. Alone. Those were two words that went around her mind. She typed back.

 **"I'm fine"** She wasn't, but she didn't want to burden him. She struggled alone, it hurt, but that was the truth.

Switching her phone off, she walked out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs. She checked on Casey and then went in to her own room and she took off her clothes and put them in the wash basket on the landing. She returned to the bedroom and pulled back the covers as she lay down on the mattress and turned to face Brax's empty space. A single tear finally rolled down her cheek, followed by another one and then another.

* * *

 **Well, that was that. Thank you for reading.**


End file.
